I was at one point though.
Between 2012-2014 I lost over 30 pounds. I completely changed my lifestyle and became a person who lived a “healthy” lifestyle. Clean eating, counting calories, exercising, staying active, always hitting 10,000 steps a day, and drinking plenty of water. And I was praised for it! Because not only was I walking the walk but I looked the part as well; thin, “athletic” looking, everything a healthy person was supposed to be.
And I was praised for it. I was praised for losing the weight, getting fit, and looking good. And that was kinda fucked because I wasn’t healthy. I was obsessive, unhappy, and basically starving myself. I was miserable. But people were happy for me, inspired by me, and cheering me on, so I thought I had to be doing something right. I thought that this is what it took to be beautiful.
Diet culture is fucked. But like a lot of people, I bought into it. I did everything “right”. I lost weight sure, but at the cost of my mental health and my physical well being.
Here’s the thing; I can tell you from personal experience that eating 1,200 calories a day is not healthy. Especially if you are running, have a physically demanding job, or do any kind of workouts. It’s just not enough.
Absolutely having to hit 10,000 steps on your fitness tracker everyday or else you feel ridiculously guilty is not being committed. It’s obsessive.
Not eating desserts, being afraid to eat out at restaurants, or even enjoy food at a party is also not being committed. It’s a real sign that something isn’t right. You should never feel bad for a little indulgence now and again. Being afraid of going over your calorie limit of eating anything that’s not considered “clean” isn’t ok. Food is meant to be enjoyed! For a plethora of reasons. And let me tell you life is a lot more enjoyable when you can actually eat the cookies, or order something that not on the “diet” menu, or have a few beers when your hanging out with your friends. Depriving yourself from anything is never the answer.
Eventually I got over all of that though. It took a lot of time and a lot of work on my part but I think I’ve stuck a healthy balance between eating well but not depriving myself of anything. Exercising without getting obsessive about it and running because I think it’s fun and it makes me feel good!
Now that Blanche was thrown off quite a bit during the pandemic and everything I’ve experienced and had to deal with because of that, but that’s another story for another day. What matters is that I have learned how to find that balance to actually be happy, healthy, and not give a fuck what society says that I should look like.
I’ll leave you with this; again, diet culture is fucked. 𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲. But letting go of our societal ideas of what beauty is and what a fit body should look like did. I don’t give a fuck anymore. Ever since I’ve let that all go I can actually pursue my passions and do things that make me happy. I’m heavier yes, but I’m also healthier and happier that I ever was when I was “skinny”.